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“I love you.” What a punch these three simple words can bring – if it’s delivered the right way. The thing is, some people just can’t say it comfortably without the words tripping out of their mouths. You’d think they’ll morph and turn into ogres, the way they squirm and go around beating the bush before finally saying the words. Then there are also those who openly say the words but don’t really mean it. Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t say the words. What matters is that a relationship remains honest and happy.

What are the things that make a relationship work anyway? The same factors work for all kinds of relationship. Whether it’s a relationship between lovers, among family members, friends, office workers, and business partners, the same foundations apply for it to work. If a pillar is missing, the whole thing crumbles. Three pillars make up the foundation. We call the three Pillars The Relationship Tripod. Each will be discussed in length in the proceeding paragraphs.

The Companionship Leg

First, it must be understood that a relationship requires at least two people for it to exist, let alone work. You must be visible to the other person. If the relationship is long distance, you must at least feel that the other one is there. It won’t do any good to take the other’s existence for granted and count on the other to check up on you. You must also show compassion. If you keep up the show of indifference, it just spells failure. The other person needs to sense your feelings for them. Show them kindness, gentleness, sensitivity – anything that shows you care for them. It’s not that hard to say “I’m always here for you,” is it? Whoever receives this show of affection must give something back. Everyone must do his or her part in a relationship because it’s a give and take condition.

The Compromise Leg

As mentioned earlier, a relationship is a give and take situation. Not all people are made alike; even if two people are so uncannily similar, there might still exist small differences that could spark an argument. This is why an agreement has to be reached on every argument, whether petty or vital. All kinds are important, especially when it comes to a relationship. Someone has to win and someone has to give in. This is why the discussion of differences is so essential. Discuss the disparity: What is the problem? Why is it a problem? Who should compromise and adjust to the problem? All these should be resolved. Conceding sometimes doesn’t make you a loser; rather, it goes to show how important a relationship is to you. “I guess you’re right.” These words could be the balm of your disputes.

The Communication Leg

There would be no discussion of differences, no showing of affection, and no saying of words without communication. This third and last leg is probably the most vital in a relationship. It enables us to know what the other party feels and what is needed to make the partnership work. It gives us the ability to say the words that are wanted and needed. In short, the other two legs won’t happen if the last one isn’t present. Just a small act of communication could go a long way in improving a relationship.

You can do simple things like writing a small note on a piece of paper, or writing short emails at least occasionally. Do something to give truth to your existence and your relationship. Don’t take this for granted, because a lot of relationships crumble due to lack of any contact. Take the long distance relationship, for instance. A lot fail, but some succeed because they contact each other almost every day. Even business associates keep contact by sending each other progress reports.

Any form of relationship is a box of chocolates, as Forrest Gump puts it. Some tastes good and some don’t. Overall, the experience of having a box of chocolates gives you a good feeling because eating each and every piece of chocolate gives an experience – an experience of bitterness, sweetness, or even bitter-sweetness. You don’t get every flavor that you desire in a box. So if you are looking for a relationship that is easy on the heart and mind, get ready for the harsh reality. It entails the effort of everyone involved for it to work well.

Being able to influence people makes you feel important. This is especially true when people give in to your want willingly.

For other people to give in willingly, they must get a fair deal from you. In other words, they must be able to get something in return. They must also be able to feel important upon giving in to your want. This is one secret of influencing people effectively.

Everybody likes to be complimented – for looking good, for a job well done, for doing a favor, and for many other reasons. Part of human nature is the need or desire to feel important by being praised or appreciated. In many instances, being appreciated is more important than monetary compensation for a work well done.

On the other hand, criticism has its repercussions. Instead of being inspired, you tend to become defensive. Criticism defuses the desire to perform better the next time. Criticism makes people feel unimportant.

As you will see, the effect of criticism is the opposite of appreciation. Instead of being encouraged to perform better the next time, your interest will seem to diminish, making you psychologically and emotionally dejected.

If you know how it feels to be criticized, you wouldn’t do it to others. Although different people have varying degrees of tolerance when it comes to criticism, the effects are still counter productive. This is especially true when it comes to employee-employer relationship.

Let’s say you want to influence an employee to perform his work favorably. In this case, you have to make him do his work efficiently without criticizing him. When good performance has been achieved, show your appreciation, even if you are his superior. When you compliment his performance, it will raise his self-esteem. That will benefit the company as a whole.

Let’s touch on the issue of people influenced to do what you want because you hold a high authority; meaning, you are using power or money. Although it is not your fault to be influential, being so may make people do what you want even if you do not want to use this kind of influence. Somehow, when you want others to do what you want out of their own free will, you will see it in their eyes or body movements.

There’s a distinct difference between influencing people to do what you want willingly and influencing people to do what you want because you are powerful. This difference could be the absence of importance on the latter one as far as the other person is concerned. In the absence of importance, there seems to be a tinge of coercion when you ask a person to do what you want. It raises the questions: Would he agree to do what I want if I am not rich? Would he do it if I’m not a powerful figure?

Somehow, you become doubtful of your own capability to influence people if you were neither rich nor powerful. There is one way to erase this doubt. You can test if you have what it takes to influence people, without using power or money, by approaching people whom you think do not know you.

It would be unfair to conclude that you do not have the qualities of influencing people when you are already rich or powerful. You wouldn’t have reached this stature if you do not have the qualities to influence people; unless of course, you became rich by winning in a lottery or through inheritance.

For every action, there’s an equal reaction. If there’s a left, there’s a right. If there’s a north, there’s a south. Similarly, you can’t see the good side of a person until you come across his bad side.

Problems and solutions are no exceptions to this natural phenomenon. Life is never free of problems. Life came to existence with problems on its tail. Imagine a life with no problems. It would be a dull life. Imagine a life without struggling. With only good things dominating the earth, it would result to laziness.

This is the reason why a problem has its good side also. It makes you strive to look for solutions and ultimately makes you a better person. The only time a problem becomes bad is if you allow it to dominate or overwhelm you, or if you don’t do anything to correct it. And this is where your attitude towards it is put to the test. How you treat problems – how you solve or manage them – can spell all the difference. If you approach a problem the negative way, you can expect negative results. A positive approach will result to positive solutions.

What’s the point of this discussion? You hear that everywhere, every time, people are complaining of problems. You’ll often hear statements such as: “I’m never out of problems. What have I done to deserve such a fate?” In some, the existence of problems in a person’s life is viewed as a punishment, which is a wrong perception. You need to accept the fact that problems are a part of life. Accepting this fact frees you from unnecessary waste of time and energy in trying to discover a problem-free life. Nobody is spared from having problems. If you think reaching retirement age is the solution to attain a problem-free life, wait till you reach that age and you’ll know for yourself how wrong you are. Just when you think you have solved a problem, another one comes along. So accept this fact and live on.

The single most important thing relevant to problems is how you must handle them. As stated earlier, your attitude determines the outcome. View each problem on a wide scope. Look at the possibilities. The problem could be a blessing in disguise – an opportunity might be awaiting you. Take this simple example. A toothache is a problem for someone, but an opportunity for a dentist. Take another example. You have to be terminated from a job to get mad enough to start your own business and be gainfully self-sufficient.

You may ask, “What if my problem defies solution?” There are instances when some problems seem immune to solutions. Let’s be realistic, there’s only one way to solve it – manage it. Take a pro-active stance. Here are some ways to manage or solve your problems:

• Never underestimate nor overestimate a problem. Don’t take a problem for granted when there is a tendency for it to worsen. Likewise, don’t panic at the presence of a problem that may just about require a simple solution.

• Solve your problem pronto. If you are financially distressed, don’t wait for money to drop from the sky. Get a move on to correct this.

• View the problem realistically in a positive light to come up with the best possible solution. Don’t go out blaming other people. Blaming won’t solve the problem; on the contrary, it will create more.

• Dare yourself to take positive action even if it entails hurting your own pride. A slight misunderstanding with your spouse, even if it isn’t your fault, can be corrected by your initiative to return things to normal.

• Get yourself into the action. If you are jobless, go where the jobs are. Find ways to let people know your qualifications and your intention. If you want to be a recording artist and have the potential to be one, audition yourself.

• Don’t belittle your potential. “I don’t stand a chance, so why bother?” Well, if you don’t bother, definitely you don’t stand a chance. But if you bother, chances abound.

• Expose yourself to calculated risks. If you fail the first time, you’ll learn from it. The next time will be “I made it.”

Keep in mind that there is always a solution to every problem. A lot has to do with the way you handle and manage it.